Charlie Girl AKA Psycho Charlie

© Joe DiMaggio

Last September Ace, our Springer Spaniel of 15.5 years old, passed away. Months later, JoAnne would be still on the couch at 9:00PM checking her emails and she’d break into tears. She missed Ace. I called in some serious favors and Charlie, a world class English Springer Spaniel, appeared on our doorstep at about four months old.

Charlie is the fastest Springer we’ve ever had, and we’ve had quite a few Springers, She has blinding speed, and unbelievable agility. She flies from one couch to the next couch then over the coffee table and then and over my head, flies over the other couch again and lands on the floor of the dining room. She then makes a severe right hand turn into the kitchen, crashing into the storm door, and will turn around and do it again. That is when she’s in her wild and crazy, I want to play mood! You really can’t make this up! She is certifiable crazy. The breeder where Charlie came from won West Minster three times in the past 30 years. Charlie is royalty. I was told “the dog will love you, be your best friend, go hunting (if you want to go hunting) or can be a show dog if you want her to. You’ve got an amazingly great dog!” “However, she has a little attitude (maybe because she’s so smart).” “Charlie will look you in the eye from time to time and give you a look that says, “What’s in it for me?” Believe me I have gotten that look a few times since she’s arrived!

Given my cancer regime, I usually get up at 4:30-4:45, so I walk Charlie first thing in the morning. Then Charlie expects breakfast at exactly 6:00 or she gives me the stink eye! This is the equivalent of putting her paws on her hips and saying “Can we move this along now!” You get the feeling that Charlie is training me, I’m not training Charlie. Well, yesterday, I was running a little late, say 5:20, I got the treats in my left hand and the strap to put on Charlie. I cracked the door open with my foot a little too wide and Charlie exploded past me, she went out to the front of the driveway, squatted down and did a little pee, she looked to the left, the right, and saw a deer. She took off like a rocket ship. Keeping in mind, I’m not exactly, as light of foot as I was when I played college football, but I still move pretty well. I semi-chased after Charlie yelling her name and clapping my hands as she went through the neighbors yard, the next neighbors yard, and kept going. Keep in mind that if anything happens to Charlie, I’m a dead man! Thats not a joke, JoAnne will kill me! I’m chasing her and I realize that I need to go on a diagonal to cut her off. As I crossed the road carrying her red strap and her treats it dawned on me that I was in my underwear. Now granted, I no longer live in Greenwich Village, New York (where you could walk around in your underwear and nobody will say much!) But in Pennsylvania someone might get a 12 gauge and blow a hole in my ass! Screaming before 6 o’clock on a Sunday morning, my voice echos off the charts! What do I do? Charlie is not allowed to cross the road and she’s crossed it twice. She starts running the opposite direction and I try to cut her off before I realize this isn’t working. I put my hands down and I start walking back to our home. I look, I yell Charlie for the last time and Charlie runs straight at me. She comes right up to me, stops, sits down, and Charlie is waiting for her treat. My first reaction is to strangle Charlie, we dont have to worry about that because Charlie gave me the look…What’s in it for me?” and took off again. I make my way to the front door, threw the strap down, got ready to sit down on the front stairs, and Charlie comes by and goes into the house like she did nothing wrong. Now there’s an old saying, “if I’m lying, I’m dying.” I ain’t lying! To show that I was very upset I refused to make eye contact with her and ignored her for the next 24 hours. Well that was a mistake. Charlie just doesn’t give a shit! I’m the one who needs to go to a psychiatrist and find out what’s wrong with me? Attached you’ll find a few frames of our Charlie Girl.

© Joe DiMaggio
© Joe DiMaggio
Stink eye Charlie © Joe DiMaggio
Charlie & Mia Sofia Linguine © Joe DiMaggio
Charlie & Mia Sofia Linguine © Joe DiMaggio

One response to “Charlie Girl AKA Psycho Charlie

  1. Joe,You casually mention your cancer regime, which of course I knownothing about.  I hope you’re doing well with it.  The speed with whichyou pursued Charlie in your underwear wasn’t the behavior of a sick guy.  Like Charlie by the way, but love Mia Sofia Linguine.  And thankyou for the nicely done story.  Who woulda thunk it, Joe Dimaggio a wordsmith?  Do you have an agent.  Dan

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